Fallen in LOVE

I will blog again someday, but right now I am so smitten with this little guy that little else matters.

We've had birthdays, Halloween, more birthdays, his blessing and much more. One day I will find the time, but for now I'm going to kiss on my baby.

Baby Crew

This is a week before I had him.

Shaun told me my face was filling up with water.
Moments after being born

Tuckered out

His first bath. I love the glove on his arm. It is covering

up his IV

Daddy

Lexi was in love at first sight.

No kids were allowed at the hospital. This is MaKaya's

first time seeing him.

I love these great hospital bed pictures

Daddy and his Boy

He is soooo sweet and loves to cuddle with his mom.

I all ready have a good feeling about this baby of mine. He minds me. I asked him to wait until 36 weeks and he did that exactly. Saturday morning I was feeling a little crampy but whats new I have been feeling crampy for 4 weeks now. The crampiness never left but never got worse. By four o clock I decided to time them and they were 4 minutes apart. I knew I wasn't in labor but I still haven't forgot my labor with the twins, and I did not want to get to the hospital being dilated to a 10. It still kind of scares me. When I arrived at the hospital she checked me and I was still a 2. I have now been a 2 for 4 weeks and have contracted enough to have had 15 babies. I was FRUSTRATED!!! I was fine with not having a baby it was still early, but I was not fine with contracting my guts out and not having anything happen. My nurse told me they would watch me for an hour and then check me again. I knew that I would be going home, my contractions were still coming but no longer hurt. Shaun told me that I would not talk. Shift change happened and my new nurse Debbie came into check me. She said, "oh wow you are a 4+ and really thinned out." I was in shock!!! I looked at Shaun and then at the nurse. I really was in disbelief. She said, "you are staying to have a baby."

They admitted me to my room and I was now a 5+ feeling no pain at all. Not one ounce of pain. Debbie said I needed to get my epidural but I didn't want to get it yet, I needed to be in pain. She explained to me that with the chance I might have to have a c-section again I needed to get that epidural in place just in case. I did as I was told. It was the best epidural I have ever had. I could feel and move my legs. I could feel the tightening of my contractions just no pain. It was amazing.

Things were progressing quite nicely. My birthing party had arrived, and I was ready to get the show on the road. I made it to a 7+ and then stopped doing everything. No contractions, no dialating, no shaking ( I shake really bad during labor). Normally they would give me pitocin but with a previous c-section they won't. I stayed that way for a good hour or so, and then I got a fever. Things weren't looking good, and I did not want another c-section. Then out of nowhere I got a really bad cough. I was gagging I was coughing so hard, and magically I started contracting again.

I wanted Crew to be born on the 3rd and my time was running out. It was 10:30 and I really needed to get down to business. I told Debbie and Sharee (my other nurse, she also took care of baby after he was born) we had a deadline to meet, they probably thought I was crazy, but never let me know that. At 11:45 I was complete. I had 15 minutes to get baby out, and Dr. Young was being paged. I didn't know how I was going to pull this off. At 11:55 I started pushing, that is when I was informed that Crew was posterior ( that is when baby is face up) and that I would likely have to have forceps and that I would not meet my midnight deadline. This was my third posterior baby. Lexi was delivered that way, with forceps, it took 1 1/2 hours of pushing and left me with a horrendous recovery. With MaKaya Dr. Baxter turned her while I pushed. I told Dr. Young this, so he tried turning him. It hurt and was unsuccessful. I told him that I wanted to push and he said okay. I gave it all I had. I could feel my body working pushing this baby out. I didn't want to stop and loose the ground that I had gained, but I was starting to see stars. I took one quick breath and pushed again. And out came my baby boy. Debbie tells me that it is 11:58:59. I made it! My mom still has anxiety thinking about it, she has no idea how my Dr. caught the baby. There was no crowning of the head. All at once all of baby was here! He weighed 6lbs and 15oz and was 20 inches long. Good thing he came 4 weeks early. I was so relieved to have him here and not be pregnant anymore. I cried and cried and cried some more.

I love the feeling you get when you meet your baby. It is so incredible. I am so madly in love with my baby boy that sometimes I feel like I could burst. I wasn't scared to have a boy just not sure what to expect. Oh my gosh I love him!!! He is the sweetest yummiest little thing. I was hoping that I was done having babies but how could I never do this again. Having this sweet angel in my home has got to be what heaven is like.

The little things I miss.

My Dr. took me off bed rest as of Saturday. He does not stop labor after 34 weeks. I was surprised by this, and obviously relieved. I would really like to stay pregnant at least until 36 weeks so I am still taking it very easy. At least now I have the freedom to take my kids to dance, and watch a soccer game. Grocery shopping, heavy cleaning, and walks are still not a part of my life. These last couple of weeks have been a challenge that my family has never experienced. We are not sit on the couch kind of people. It is hard for me to watch my other children sacrifice on behalf of Mr. Baby. They have for the most part been really good, but we are all ready for normal life to be back.

Yesterday I was in my kitchen and I felt sad. I really wanted to clean it, and make a treat for my family. I wanted to go upstairs to MaKaya's and Savanna's room and pull out all the stashed clutter that has been collecting. I would love to put the finishing touches on the nursery so that it can finally be done. I want to clean out the fridge, and wash finger prints off the wall. I never realized how much I really do love all the things that I thought I hated doing. It really warms my heart to take care of my family.

But I will continue to take it easy and let all those things be left undone, in hopes that this baby will stay put a bit longer. He just can't wait to get here and meet everyone that is so anxious for his arrival.

Lots of GOOD people!

I will never forget this day, I was getting my morning pepsi when I heard the terrible news. I just watched a tribute and all the same emotions I felt 8 years ago return to the surface. What warms my heart is seeing all the good people helping in anyway they can.
I think of the firemen day after day searching for people digging through rubble trying to find just one survivor. Just one person makes it worth it.
I think of the service men that leave the comfort of their homes and families to protect me and my family. I think of the endless hours of service that we never heard about, and never will.

This day and my current situation causes me to reflect on all the good people.

I will never forget the first time I experienced a code blue at work. I was on my way to Labor and Delivery to deliver some medications when a code was called overhead. All at once the halls became flooded with medical professionals rushing to the patients room. I was in awe that all these people were intent on one thing, to save this strangers life. To save one person it was worth it to them.

After I had the twins I had the opportunity to spend time in the NICU. What an eye opening experience for me. To watch a team of doctors and nurses work so intently to save helpless baby after helpless baby. They open their hearts to strangers and do everything to save one life.

My world was turned up side down. How was I going to keep my children's lives going when I had to spend it on the couch. I kept thinking of all the things that they have going on, and I got more and more overwhelmed. Then one by one people started calling and coming by bringing books, magazines, chocolate, Pepsi, things to keep me busy, dinner for my family. People cleaning my house, taking Boo, offering help in any way that I needed. Then I started feeling overwhelmed by all the kindness that was being shown to me and my family, and most importantly this little guy that is growing in my tummy who is a stranger to them.

It seems that most of the focus is on the terrible things that are happening but I am witnessing that kindness, service and love is a very big part of our world.

Hello Couch

Saturday was uneventful except for the fact that my uterus would not stop contracting. I watched a movie with the girls and then went to bed early hoping to relax my body. Around 11:30 my contractions increased with intensity so I decided to time them. They were 3 to 4 minutes apart. I am only 32 weeks so going into labor right is not a great idea. I went to the hospital and they checked me. I am dilated to a 2, 60% effaced and I lost my plug (kind of gross) They gave me a shot to stop the contractions.
After talking with my Dr. he has ordered me to bed rest with bathroom privileges only. It is a very over whelming feeling to know that I am not able to do anything for my family. I can't even get them ready for school. Looking at the week ahead sends me into a tailspin. I am very lucky to have such great family and friends. I am overwhelmed with the love, kindness, and service that has been shown to me. I am not the type to just sit and do nothing so this is really going to drive me crazy!!! Please call or come by, your company will be much appreciated. My morning pepsi will be very missed, that might be the hardest sacrifice of all. Happy days to all of you!!!

p.s I never watch TV so I would love to hear what you watch. I need some sort of entertainment!

Dear Dad,

Thank you so much for bringing me to Aunt Amanda's. It is soooooooo fun here. She lets me sleep in her bed, and lay on her couch. She even made pancakes for breakfast and I got to eat some. When I got here this morning I wandered all over looking for Sammie, and then I remembered about the terrible accident. The girls are still so sad that she is gone, so I am helping them. I follow them around, and sit right by them. I love it when they pet me so I nudge them when they stop. You take your time in Vegas, because really Dad, I am having the time of my life.
Love your son,

Toby

P.S.
They haven't even told me, "To get a life" once. It really is great here.

Is this for real?

I don't even know how to begin writing this, but I can't sleep and I have so much emotion running through my system maybe this will be a way to help me. Last night Sammie our dog was ran over by a car and died. As I write those words it is still so hard for me to believe it is true. Some of you are thinking what's the big deal, it's just a dog, and some of you are feeling our pain, knowing that Sammie was not just a dog, she was such a big part of our family.

Sammie came into our family on June 14th 2002, I was 4 months pregnant with MaKaya. Her mom Sadie was our dog, so we watched her be born. She melted my heart from the moment she was born. She was the biggest dog of the litter, she died weighing 90lbs. That is really big for a female chocolate lab. She had a such a calm patient demeanor. After kids got over her being so big they soon loved her. She would let them do anything to her, sometimes I thought she should snap at them, she never did. She loved to sit by me on the couch. She still thought of herself as the little puppy that always sat on my lap. She tried this often. She always wanted to be petted. If you would stop she would gently paw you to ask you for some more. Every morning when the girls would wake up they come and get in bed with me, Sammie was not going to be left out, she was right there with us. Lots of mornings it drove us crazy. She would be laying on one of us, or we couldn't get any covers, I would give anything to have her jump in my bed this morning. Soon I will tell the story of the amazing gentleman that helped my dog while she was dying, but I can't right now. My girls are heart broken as they have never been before. What will we ever do without our Samsam.

Do I have a fat lip?

My mom took the girls to the Owl's game and on the way in MaKaya was swarmed by some bees and was stung three times. Two on her arm, and one right on her lip. She got an ice pack and was very shy about showing anyone her lip. Finally Lexi got a peek and told Gran there was a problem. They took her to first aid, who then called an ambulance. With the sirens and blazing lights MaKaya didn't know what to expect. They checked her out and decided it best she go to the ER. I met them there and was shocked when she took her ice pack off. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I knew that she had been stung, but my mom left out the severity of it for MaKaya's sake. Her lip was enormous. I have never in my life seen anything like it. She was nervous but was very brave. As I walked through the ER doors Lexi saw me first and burst into tears, and then MaKaya did the same. For some reason things are always better when mom is there. After a dose of benadryl her lip resumed to its normal shape. She got a pack of skittles, a foul ball from the Owls' game and an ID bracelet from the hospital. She almost thought the bee sting was worth it.

Happiness

Summer brings me happiness!!! Sunshine, swimming. baseball, sleeping in, staying up late, and fresh fruit are some of the things that make me HAPPY!!! I am no longer a Debbie Downer I am a Happy Holly. Pregnancy isn't even as bad as it was. Yes I am very anxious to be done but I am feeling so much better. We love to be busy so if I don't blog that often it's not because I'm feeling so terrible its because we are off having fun. Happy summer to you!!!

Debbie Downer

That's me. I am a Debbie Downer. Savanna has been whiny and sick all week. I started feeling sick, it turns out we both have strep throat. I feel so bad for her because I know how rotten she feels, but I also feel bad for myself because there is no one to take care of me. She got a shot in her leg it hurts so bad that she can't walk. Its really not fun to be pregnant be sick as a dog and carry your 38 pounder three year old around. If my grandma was still alive I would pack my bags and go stay with her. I really miss her. My hormones are at an all time high, tears come often and easily. Life is great!

Suprise!!!

I had an ultra sound today, and shockingly we are having a BOY!!! We are very excited, and the girls are ecstatic. I have been having some complications so it was nice to get an ultra sound to be reassured that everything is okay. I have been ordered to take it easy, so I will do my best to follow Dr. orders.

We still don't quite know what to think, even MaKaya said to me, "mom they are just going to tell you that it is another girl". I was emotional on my car ride home I guess I never let myself realize how much I wanted a boy. I never entertained the thought because I did not want to get my hopes up either way. Having girls for me, is just plain simply one of the grandest things I have done. Teaching them to be self confident compassionate girls is very special to me. I have never been sad or disappointed when I was told that I was having a girl, and I didn't want this time to be any different. I am not having more children to see if I can finally get a boy, I am having more children because I love being a mom. With that said, my heart could not be happier to bring a little boy into our family. I am thrilled that Shaun will have a boy to pal around with. I am excited to see my girls spoil their brother to pieces. I am delighted to have the chance to teach this little boy the way to respect women, and honor his priesthood.

I'm happy that I won't have to dig through my bins of clothes, that is always such a pain, and I am REALLY excited to decorate his nursery. It is going to be vintage baseball, if you see anything of the sort please do tell.

Many people have asked me, "what are you going to do with a boy?" I assure you my friends I will do just fine.

Goodbye!!!

My husband and I are leaving for Las Vegas TOMMOROW with no kids, and I will be so much more excited when all is packed and we are on the plane. We have never been away for more than over night and we are very excited to enjoy ourselves with no children. I wanted to go somewhere more exotic but since I am so fat I have decided to do that next year. So I hope it doesn't snow on you while I'm gone, because I will be enjoying the SUNSHINE!!! See-Ya

What can I say,

I am HUGE!!! I really don't know what is going on here. I have been pregnant 4 other times, so
I feel it safe to have a norm, and what is happening fifth time around is NOT the norm. When I was pregnant with Boo I did not gain any weight at all, with the twins 6 pounds the whole pregnancy. The most weight I ever gained was 13 pounds and that was with MaKaya. I'm telling you this info to prove a point. I just went the the Dr. and in 4 weeks I gained 8 POUNDS!!! Did you hear that 8 POUNDS!!! I am almost to the weight I wanted to be at the end of my pregnancy. I fit into nothing and every time I put clothes on that fit me I am disgusted at the way I look. I am embarrassed to tell people my due date because I know that in their mind they are thinking wow she is HUGE for only being 13 weeks. I usually just say, oh in a really long time. I can't even blame the weight on my peanut butter twixes, for I have stopped eating them. I usually really enjoy being pregnant, and strangely I even enjoy the way I look. But this time I am pretty much hating every minute. I am hoping that the 2nd trimester will bring me better luck, if not you may want to stop reading my blog, as it may be very whiny and depressing.

The Smile

She got her braces off. We were very pleased with Dr. Lee and his staff. He told us it would be 6-9 months and it was almost 6 months to the day. They do really fancy things now, nothing like in the olden days when I had mine. They were able to laser her gums with no pain at all, and he cemented a retainer on the top of her mouth so we will never have to think about loosing it, or forget to wear it. He will check on Lexi every six months until all of her teeth have grown in. Hopefully all goes well and she won't ever have to have braces again. Although being the only 2nd grader with braces was kind of cool. She was even a titch sad to have them come off, but that emotion was soon changed to delight when she saw her beautiful teeth. And beautiful she is!

Two Lines= ?

I know that I don't have to tell any of you what 2 lines mean, but I will I am HAVING A BABY!!! This has been long over due. I have been contemplating this for over a year, I don't know why it was so hard to make the choice to become pregnant but it was. Now that is has happened I am really excited. It's one of those things that was much worse thinking about it. As you can imagine my girls are ecstatic!!! Shaun is still in shock that it really only does take "one shot" MaKaya, Lexi and Sanvanna were convinced that there was more than one baby, but the Dr. has confirmed that there is only one baby, much relief on my part. So when you see me around and I am fat as could be it has nothing to do with the peanut butter twixes that I eat daily it has all to do with the baby that I am housing. (I might get my feelings hurt if you tell me my stomach is the size of cantaloupe and my baby is only the size of golf ball)My due date is Halloween, of course we won't make it that far. I'm sure that you are all thinking that I'm hoping for a boy, but in all honesty I am perfectly happy with another girl, they are so cute and pink and everything. Well I must go my peanut butter twix is calling me.

My cup was filled today

Today I had the privilege of going to Stake Conference where Elder Jeffrey R Holland was there to speak to us. I am amazed at the power of this apostles testimony. He talked to the youth about the importance of building their testimony now, he talked to the parents about teaching the gospel to our children. He reminded us that the Holy Ghost is here to be with us, and that we need to partake of that blessing. He blessed us all as if he were laying his hands on our head. He laughed with us, he joked with us, he uplifted us. As he was closing his talk he bore his testimony of the truthfulness of our gospel, of our Savior, of Joseph Smith, our Father in Heaven and the Holy Ghost. I have never felt so much power and passion from anyone ever bearing witness of these principles. I know deep in my heart that he knows all of the things he spoke about were true. He doesn't just believe it he KNOWS that is real, and he KNOWS that it is true. Seeing a man so close to me that walks and talks with the prophet that is an apostle of Christ bearing witness of all these things touched me in a way that I have never been touched. The spirit testified to me with more power than I have ever felt before, that what I heard today was true. My testimony grew today.

I had the opportunity of meeting Dallin H Oaks when I was 8 years old. I haven't had the chance to meet another apostle. I knew that the likelihood for my children to have this opportunity to shake hands with an apostle was not going to come very often, so with Savanna on my hip and the other two behind me we waited in line to meet this very righteous man. My emotions were on the brink of spilling the whole meeting, and I was trying to avoid the question, "why are you crying mommy" but as I was waiting in line I couldn't stop the tears from coming, and Boo asked me why I was sad, it's difficult to explain to a 3 year old that when your heart is over flowing it comes out your eyes. We got our chance to shake hands with this great man. Being young my girls didn't really understand the significance of it, but one day they will. My heart has been changed today and I will never forget the powerful message that I received.

Draper Temple

It was a really neat experience for me to take my girls to the Temple. They have never been through a Temple before and it was exciting for me to teach them some things about this sacred place. I love the peaceful way you feel when you are in a Temple. After we were done I asked each of them what their favorite room was.

Lexi said that she loved all the rooms

MaKaya's favorite was the Brides room (who would have guessed)

Boo said, "Me favorite part of the Temple was the swimming pool in Jesus house".

Priceless

Puppies

Lexi loved the Brown girl, named Shelby
MaKaya's black boy Buster

Boo with all the puppies. There are 11

MaKaya crying on the way home because she couldn't keep her puppy

Our friend Jay's dog had puppies. Us Kearns girls are suckers for those sweet little things. We love puppies almost as much as we love babies. MaKaya picked out her favorite one. She wants a black boy and she has named him Buster. She is bound and determined that she is going to get this puppy. She begged to take him home with her. She promised she would feed him with a bottle and that I would take care of him while she was at school. She couldn't wait for him to sleep with her at night. She was coming up with all sorts of ways she could make money to pay for him.

We have had a few batch of puppies, and I am ready for some more. They are so cute, and so much FUN!!!

Annual Circus Fun

My girls (okay and myself) love the circus. All day long Boo told everyone how excited she was to see the elephants and how big their poop was. She watched the whole circus and right at the end just in time for the elephants she fell asleep. We woke her up three times and she would fall right back asleep. Right as the elephants were leaving they dropped a big one. I was sad for her that she missed the BIG event.

MaKaya and Lexi loved the pink and blue dogs. They loved watching the girls twist and dance with their ribbons.

I can't wait for next year!!

Aching for Bear Lake

A few weeks ago we decided to spend our Monday in Bear Lake. The drive there is as much of a tradition as the lake itself. Honking through the tunnel in Provo Canyon. Looking to see if the water has froze on Deer Creek. Stopping in Midway for a snack. Begging the truck drivers to honk their horns. Lets not forget to mention rolling down the widow to smell the fresh Wyoming air. I love driving through the little towns and wondering what it would be like living so far away from a mall or movie theatre. My favorite part of the drive is winding down the canyon waiting after every turn to see the magical view of lake. Then as we take that last corner there is the breath taking bluer than blue lake. Then our lungs belt out in song.
"Hello Mister Lake, Hello Mister Lake, Hello Mister Lake, many memories we'll make.
Our purpose for this day trip was to see the house we will be staying in this Summer. After taking a tour we had lunch at Merlins, the only place open in town. We ate our greasy hamburgers, and dipped our golden fries and onion rings, and sipped our very tastey Pepsi until our belly's were nice and full.
As beautiful as it is to see Bear Lake in the summer, this winter day was unbelievable. There were layers and layers of thick fog all over the trees and fences. It was so beautiful. The kids had a lot of fun hitting the trees and letting all the fog land on them.
We would love to wish the months away and start packing our bags for our magical week in Bear Lake this summer. It is something that my kids and I impatiently wait for year after year.

The shirt

My Husband scored some Brownie Points tonight. Instead of saying to me in that accusing tone, "Is that a new shirt?" He said, "Cute shirt?" and raised his eyebrows in that seductive kind of way. What a guy.

Grandpa Had A Birthday!

We love it when we have a reason to party. We had the family over on Sat. to celebrate Grandpas birthday. We ate good food and played one serious game of Uno Attack. MaKaya helped Grandpa play the right card which then led them to win the game. We all love Grandpa so much and can never get enough of him.

10 Things about Grandpa

1. He is the smartest man I know

2. He is just as excited as we are when we learn to water ski

3. He was born in Holland

4. His mom died when he was 4 and he never met his father
5. He knows more about the gospel than any other human being I know

6. He loves to ride his motorcycle

7. He loves Bear Lake as much as we do

8. He has a personal relationship with each of my daughters

9. He is one of my Best Friends

10. He is very giving and extremely selfless.

This last year my dad has taught me more about his love for our Savior and trusting in the Lord than I ever thought possible. When life throws him a curve ball instead of dodging it, he embraces it, and in the process learns and teaches as much from the experience as he can. I am one very lucky girl to have him as my dad.

New Hair

MaKaya has been asking me to get her hair cut for months.I like my girls to have long hair because when you are in a hurry pulling it into a piggy is so fast and easy. I finally gave in. While we were watching MaK, Boo said she wanted hers cut just like Ma Ma's. So we did. I'm glad it happened just like that, because if I would have had time to think about it, I never could have parted with Boo's curls. Boo walks around telling everyone she got a Bob. The two of them look so adorable, but when you have faces as cute as theirs its pretty hard to do anything else.

Do you like Savanna grape mustache

Poor Little Boo

Last Saturday night Boo got a fever of 103 and it never went away. On Monday I took her the Dr. and the only thing they could find was dehydration. The Dr. said that if she still had her fever on Thursday to bring her back in. She was so sick, she looked like a vampire. She was white as a ghost and had dark circles under her eyes. She was so miseralbe that she didn't want to eat or drink a thing. As I sat down with her late Wednesday night I was replaying my day, and realized that she had not gone to the bathroom one time. I was sick with worry. It is such a helpless feeling having your child get sicker and sicker and not to be able to do a thing for them. It made my heart ache for mothers that have terminally ill children.

First thing Thursday we went to the Doctors. He sent us to the Hospital to get labs drawn and to get a chest X-Ray. Before I even got home my Dr called to tell me that she has pneumonia. WHAT! She didn't have a cold and never really even coughed. He said that we would treat her with a strong antibiotic and if she wasn't improving by Saturday he would have to admittit her to the hospital. I am happy to report that she isn't 100% better but that she is definately on her way. As nice as it was to have her sassiness gone while she was sick, I sure have missed it!!!